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A woman who loved a fish

Yazan: admin Tarih: Mar 23rd, 2014 | Kategori:: İngilizce Okuma, İngilizce Oyun, Komik İngilizce

Once-upon-a-time, there was a young woman who fell in love with a fish. This caused her parents some embarrassment when they went to church. When her father had found out he screamed “What do you mean she’s dating a fish!”.

“He’s not an ordinary fish dear, he’s one of those anthropomorphic fish, the kind that talk and take on human characteristics”

“Does he have a job?”

“Well no, but he reads a lot, and he’s very polite. He’s really a very nice boy dear.”

“He’s an unemployed fish!”

“Whatever.”

Eventually the young woman began to grow unsatisfied with the lack of sex in the relationship. She was also getting tired of him staying home all day and reading while she worked all day. The young woman decided to go to the witch who lived in the forest, and ask her to turn her fish into a man. So she took the fish to the witch.

“Well let’s see here.” the witch said, looking at the fish “Very nice fish you got here, nice coloring. I’ll take it, now what do you want?” she asked the young woman.

“This fish and I have fallen in love and I want you to turn him into a man.” the young woman replied.

“Is this true?” the witch asked the fish.

“Yes ma’am” smiled the fish.

“Did I do this?” the witch asked the young woman.

“No, he was always a fish”

“No, what I mean is did I make you fall in love with the fish? I have a few drinks now and then, and the next thing you know whole weeks are blacked out.” the witch said.

“I don’t think so.” the young woman said.

“O.k., so if I turn this fish into a man, you go home with a man, and I get to keep the fish?”

“If you turn the fish into a man, then there won’t be a fish for you to keep, unless I’m missing something here.” said the young woman with a quizzical look on her face.

“So we need to arrange another method of payment then?” asked the witch.

“I think so.”

“Well o.k., did you bring any money dear?”

“I’m afraid I’m just a poor farm girl with no material possessions.”

“I’ll change the fish into a man after you have worked for me for a year.”

The young woman agreed and went to work for the witch, sweeping, cooking, and sewing for the witch. Finally the year passed, and the witch turned the fish into a tall and handsome man. And so the young woman and the tall and handsome former fish lived happily until the tall and handsome former fish left the young woman for a barmaid with long legs and a learning disability.

Eventually the young woman found a young man who was slightly younger than her, but extremely gifted at oral sex and they settled down.

She often thought about the tall and handsome former fish and how stupid she was. She was thinking these every thoughts one day while she was fishing off the bridge. She felt something bite the hook, and she yanked the poll up. To her surprise, the fish called out to her “Hey Baby!”

“Not another one!” she screamed.

“It’s me baby. Don’t you remember? We really had something special!” said the fish.

“What happened to that barmaid you left me for?” the young woman scowled.

“She left me, and when I wouldn’t leave her alone, she got the witch to turn me back into fish.” said the fish.

“Well come on dear let’s take you to the witch and straighten this out.” she said the fish. And so she took the fish to witch.

“Hello.” said the witch as she answered the door.

“Do you remember me? I worked for you for a year so that you would turn this fish into a man. It seems another woman had you turn him back into a fish.” the young woman said to the witch.

“Oh yes I remember, lovely fish.” the witch said.

“Well I’d like to make another deal with you.”

“What would you like dear?”

“I’d like to you make my breasts bigger, and in exchange you can have the fish.” the woman said to the witch.

“Baby! You can’t do this to me, not after all we’ve meant to each other!”

“Deal.” said the witch.

And so the young woman went home that evening without any fish, but her husband didn’t seem to notice.

Republished by Blog Post Promoter


Beer Vs. Women

Yazan: admin Tarih: Jul 26th, 2013 | Kategori:: İngilizce Oyun

Why Beer is Better than Women

  1. You can enjoy a beer all month long
  2. Beer stains wash out
  3. You don’t have to wine and dine a beer
  4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football
  5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out
  6. Beer never changes its mind
  7. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer
  8. Beer is never late
  9. Hangovers go away
  10. Beer labels come off without a fight
  11. Beer never has a headache
  12. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer
  13. After you’ve had a beer, the bottle is still worth 10 cents
  14. A beer won’t get upset if you come home and have another beer
  15. If you pour a beer right, you always get good head
  16. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty
  17. A beer always goes down easy
  18. You can share a beer with your friends
  19. You always know when you are the first one to pop a beer
  20. Beer is always wet
  21. Beer doesn’t demand quality
  22. You can have a beer in public
  23. A beer doesn’t care when you come
  24. A frigid beer is a good beer
  25. You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good
  26. If you change beers, you don’t have to pay alimony

Republished by Blog Post Promoter


Surgeons Talk

Yazan: admin Tarih: May 21st, 2013 | Kategori:: İngilizce Okuma, İngilizce Oyun, Komik İngilizce

Surgeons talk
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.” The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.” The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.” The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable.”

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While I was wringing

Yazan: admin Tarih: May 21st, 2013 | Kategori:: İngilizce Oyun, Kısa Hikayeler, Komik İngilizce

Sıkarken
Nasrettin hoca bir gün yolun kenarında kedisini yıkıyormuş.Yoldan geçen arkadaşı hocaya:
-Hocam kediyi yıkama ölür, demiş.
Hoca aldırış etmemiş ve yıkamış.Arkadaşı dönüşte hocayı tekrar yolun kenarında görmüş.Kedi ölmüş. Adam:
-Hocam ben size kediyi yıkamayın ölür demedimmi? demiş.Hoca:
-Ben kediyi yıkarken ölmediki sıkarken öldü demiş.

While I was Wringing
One day, Hodja was washing cat near a road. One of his friends who was passing by told him:
-Hodja, don’t wash the cat. Otherwise, it dies.
Hodja didn’t care him and went on washing. On his way back, the man saw Hodja with the dead cat. The man told him:
-Haven’t I told you. If you wash the cat, it dies.
Hodja replied immediately:
-It didn’t die when I was washing. It died while I was wringing.

Republished by Blog Post Promoter


A Mime in a Zoo

Yazan: admin Tarih: May 21st, 2013 | Kategori:: İngilizce Okuma, İngilizce Oyun, Kısa Hikayeler, Komik İngilizce

A Mime in a Zoo

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it’s a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion’s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, “Help, Help me!”, but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, “Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?”

Republished by Blog Post Promoter


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