EKolay İngilizce Öğren

A Day in Hell

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon…

Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I’m in hell.
Demon: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here…you a drinkin’ man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca…we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer – no biggie – you’re already dead remember?
Guy: Wow…that’s…awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever… If you go Bankrupt…well you’re dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…
Demon: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose – that’s right – you’re dead – who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin’ place!!

Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you’re really gonna hate Fridays.

America vs. Russia

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They’d have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ——- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund’s neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ——- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.”

“That’s nothing,” an American replied. “We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

PRATİK VE BİR O KADAR DA KOMİK İNGİLİZCE

Let my mother be my wife: Anam avratım olsun.

Chicken translation: Piliç çevirme

Leave the door December: Kapıyı aralık bırak

Where is the waiter who I put?: Nerde bu kodumun garsonu?

Clean family girl: Temiz aile kızı

Your hand is on the job your eyes are on the play: Elin işte gözün oynaşta

Sensitive meatball: İçli köfte

Don’t pass wave with me: Benimle dalga geçme

My horses to you: Atlarım sana

Man doesn’t become from you: Senden adam olmaz.

If I put, I make you sit: Kodumu oturturum.

Deer talk: Geyik muhabbeti

(BU ÇEVİRİLERİN TÜMÜ GEYİK AMAÇLIDIR. GERÇEK İNGİLİZCE İLE ALAKASI YOKTUR.)

Söyle Bari
Hoca ormana gitmiş.Oturmuş bir dalın üstüne, başlamış kesmeye.Aşağıdan geçen bir yolcu Hoca’ya seslenmiş:

- Be adam! İnsan oturduğu dalı keser mi ? Şimdi düşeceksin.

Hoca adama aldırmamış; işine devam etmiş.Az sonra dal kırılmış.Hoca, cumburlop düşmüş.Düştüğü yerden perişan seslenmiş:
-Düşeceğimi bildin ne zaman öleceğimi de söyle bari.

Tell me when I am going to die

One day, Hodja goes to the woods. Sitting on a tree branch, he starts to cut it. A man who passes by yells at him:

-Hey man! Would a man cut the branch he sits on. You’re gonna fall down in a minute.

Hodja doesn’t care what the man says and goes on cutting the branch. Soon, it breaks, and Hodja falls on the ground. He yells miserably from where he falls:

-You could tell when I was going to fall down. Tell me when I am going to die.